Too fat to fish

Just read Too fat to fish by Artie Lang and let me just say that if you enjoy an honest book where a man shits his pants and beats off to Christina Applegate, then this book is for you. The best!

gold

Hammer & McMahon Put Their Peddle to the Metal

Posted Jan 30th 2009 3:41PM by TMZ Staff

Financially-challenged stars MC Hammer & Ed McMahon are finally making bank ... pimpin' for Cash4Gold.com during the Super Bowl.



The cash-strapped duo will appear in a Super Bowl spot showing peeps how they can make ends meet by selling some of their mama's gold, silver and platinum bling for dollas. 

U can't touch this, but you can sell

Artie Lang

MADtv

In 1995, he landed a role as one of the original cast members of FOX's sketch comedy show MADtv. Lange had previous sketch comedy experience with the improv troupe "Live on Tape".^[14] His most popular recurring character on the show was "That's My White Mama".^[15]

Lange stated that his lowest point of cocaine use occurred during a shooting of the MADtv sketch "Babewatch" (a parody of Babe and Baywatch), in which he played Babe the pig as a lifeguard. Because the sketch involved going through hours of make-up so as to transform the comedian into a pig, he snorted cocaine in his car in full pig make-up during a break in the shooting of the sketch. Upon returning from the shoot, he passed out in his hotel room, awakening to find he had defecated in his bed.^[13] The cast and fanbase of The Howard Stern Show now refer to this incident as "The Pig Story." During the second season of MADtv, his stint with the show came to a dramatic end. After a cocaine binge, cast and crew members attempted to have an intervention for him. Lange fled the studio running through streets and backyards with his co-workers chasing after him. The chase ended in a supermarket, where he was arrested. Lange attempted to punch one of the police officers. He was sentenced to time served and probation.^[15] Lange began psychiatric counseling and inpatient drug rehabilitation. However, the producers decided not to renew his contract for a third season.^[16]

Lange appeared in an episode during the show's tenth season

drunk man

(21)    Citation alleges public intoxication by Cody man on a white horse By RUFFIN PREVOST Gazette Wyoming Bureau CODY - A Cody man has been cited for public intoxication while riding his horse on a busy street during a weekend snowstorm. Police received a call at 4 p.m. Sunday from a motorist who was concerned that Benjamin Daniels, 28, was creating a road hazard by riding his horse in conditions of poor visibility. An officer stopped Daniels to explain that drivers were having difficulty spotting his slow-moving white horse as he was riding along Yellowstone Avenue near Wal-Mart, said Assistant Police Chief George Menig. "Because of the wind, the blowing snow and the color of the horse, we were worried he was a danger to himself and motorists," Menig said.

open mic NIGHT

The Coffee Gallery Backstage
2029 N. Lake
Altadena, CA. Phone for Reservations: (626) 398-7917 (call after 2:00 P.M. if busy)

 

Please park on Lake or at the two service stations or in any of the business parking lots.
Do not park on side streets. Always come and go with quiet dignity. Let 'em sleep.
Cross streets with care....Lake traffic is fast.

boobs

VICTORVILLE • Armed with a knife and lurking in the dark, Thomas Lee Rowley waited in ambush to reclaim what he thought  was rightfully his: his former girlfriend’s breast implants that Rowley paid for.

As his  former girlfriend stepped outside the back door of her mother’s house in Hesperia, Rowley, 28, stabbed her six times in the head and torso. That’s the picture painted by Deputy District Attorney David Foy on the first day of testimony in Rowley’s trial for attempted murder of ex-girl friend, Shanon Perry, 26, on July 25, 2006.

Rowley’s former roommate Dennis McGill testified to a more sinister plot for the stabbing. McGill testified that Rowley wanted to take back Perry’s breast implants that he paid for.

“I’m gonna cut ’em out and get em back”, McGill testified that Rowley told him.

The breast implants were punctured during the attack and were eventually repaired.

Rowley was arrested the day after the attack and faces several charges that include the attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon, stalking, burglary, and false imprisonment.

The victim will testify later in the day.

Jamie Kennedy

I just read WANNABE by Jamie Kennedy and it's one of the best books I've read in a while. The 1st chapter is boring and basic filler for his family. Then the book gets great. He talks about how hard he struggled in Hollywood before he got a gig. A very honest and open book.

writer

A dude claims he's the inspiration and more for "Hannah Montana" and wants Disney to give him due credit -- as in a lot of money.

Richard Fronduto filed a lawsuit today in L.A. County Superior Court, claiming he wrote a script in 1990 called "The Secret Life of Sindi" which eventually became "The Family Business."

Fronduto claims his agent pitched his work to Disney and that Disney liked it so much they asked him to turn his script into a two-hour pilot. In short, he claims he's the brainchild for what became "Hannah Montana."

Fronduto claims numerous similarities between his script and "Montana." Both feature a 13-to-14-year-old middle class American girl who leads a double life as an ordinary teen and successful pop star. Both feature a single parent who acts as her alter ego's manager. And both have a best friend "with whom she shares her secrets." Doesn't that sound like half the Disney shows? We're just sayin' ...

Fronduto is suing for damages as well as a "Created by" credit on all future publications and broadcasts of "Hannah Montana."

A team

Twentieth Century Fox has assembled a creative team to transform 1980s TV series "The A-Team" into a summer 2010 film.
Studio has set Joe Carnahan to direct and Ridley Scott to produce, with Tony Scott exec producing through their Scott Free banner.

Also producing are Jules Daly and Stephen J. Cannell, the latter of whom created the original TV series.

Carnahan will team with Brian Bloom to polish a script by Skip Woods ("G.I. Joe"). The intention is to start production by June for a June 11, 2010, release.

Fox has struggled to find a way to exploit the branded TV show while avoiding the series' campy tone. Director John Singleton had most recently been attached to such an attempt before dropping out. Woods came in and started over.

"Tony and I feel that marrying this Scott Free project with Joe's sensibility will result in a fast-paced, exciting franchise, one we hope will be around for years to come," Scott said.

Carnahan and the Scott brothers say they will use the original premise of the series as the template for an action film. In the original, four Vietnam vets convicted of armed robbery escape from military prison and became do-gooder mercenaries.

The Middle East will replace Vietnam as the place the four did their tour of duty, but Carnahan said the origin story is the jumping-off point.

"You can ... make a film that reflects on the real world without losing the great sense of fun and the velocity of action in a classic summer popcorn film," Carnahan said.

Carnahan has put his Pablo Escobar film "Killing Pablo" on the back burner. The project was complicated by the bankruptcy filing made by the Yari Film Group.

"I am determined to make that movie there or elsewhere, but it's an interesting time in Hollywood, and you have to be aware when you get the opportunity to step into a business model that is working," Carnahan said, noting that many of the top-grossing studio films are based on branded properties.

"This was a coveted property, and reimagining a show that I remembered as a kid was tough to turn down," Carnahan said. "Fox hired me to make it as emotional, real and accessible as possible without cheesing it up."

Seth Mac farlane

Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father (Ron), mother (Perry) and sister (Rachael). He attended and studied animation at the Rhode Island School of Design and after he graduated he was hired by Hanna-Barbera Productions (Now called Cartoon Network Studios) working as an animator and writer on the TV series "Johnny Bravo" (1997) and "Cow and Chicken" (1997). He also worked for Walt Disney Animation as a writer on the TV series "Jungle Cubs" (1996). He created The Life of Larry (1995) which was originally supposed to be used as an in-between on "MADtv" (1995). Unfortunately the deal fell through but a few months later executives at FOX called him into their offices and gave him $50,000 to create a pilot for what would eventually become "Family Guy" (1999). On September 11, 2001 he was scheduled to return to Los Angeles on American Airlines Flight 11 after being a keynote speaker at his alma-mater in Rhode Island. Due to a mix-up by his travel agent he was told that his flight was scheduled to depart at 8:15am but it really departed at 7:45am and he had arrived at Boston Logan Airport a few minutes after boarding was stopped on his flight and he was told he would have to wait for the next flight. At 8:45am one hour after the departure of American Airlines Flight 11 it was hijacked by terrorists and crashed into One World Trade Center (North Tower) in New York City killing all on-board. He was able to contact his parents within 20 minutes of Flight 11 striking the first tower to tell them he was okay. He said that he thanked his travel agent for screwing up the departure time or he would have been on board.

cops

14-year-old boy impersonates cop, police say
Teen goes on traffic patrol wearing real police uniform, but is unarmed, authorities say

By Angela Rozas, Jeremy Gorner and Azam Ahmed | Tribune reporters
January 26, 2009
Chicago police arrested a 14-year-old boy for allegedly impersonating one of their own Saturday.

The boy, who has been charged as a juvenile for impersonating an officer, walked into the Grand Crossing District station, 7040 S. Cottage Grove Ave., dressed in a Chicago police uniform, police spokeswoman Monique Bond said. The boy, who reported for duty about 1:30 p.m., partnered with another police officer for about five hours.

The boy identified himself as an officer from another district but was detailed for the day to Grand Crossing and also was savvy enough to sign out a police radio and a ticket book, according to a source. The source also said the boy went on traffic stops with the officer he went on the street with.

Bond said the boy "did not write tickets" and said there was "no information to indicate that he [was] ever behind the wheel."

FACEBOOK

A British man who murdered his wife after becoming enraged when she changed her relationship status on Facebook to "single" was jailed for at least 18 years late Thursday. Edward Richardson, 41, stabbed wife Sarah, 26, to death in a "frenzied and brutal" attack at her parents' home in Biddulph, central England, last May after she altered her profile on the Internet social networking site. The couple had been living apart since the previous month, said Fiona Cortese, a spokeswoman for the Crown Prosecution Service, which is responsible for prosecuting cases in England and Wales. "Richardson became enraged when Sarah changed her marital status on Facebook to single and decided to go and see her as she was not responding to his (text) messages," Cortese said. "He gained entry by breaking the front door window and made his way into the property. "Once inside, he found Sarah in her bedroom and subjected her to a frenzied and brutal attack with a knife and then attempted to take his own life." Sarah Richardson's parents Beryl and Alan Boote said they were left "devastated" by her murder after the verdict at Stafford Crown Court, central England. "We hope that Richardson will be an old man before he's ever allowed out of prison," they said. Detective Inspector Andy Wall, who worked on the case, added: "She had decided that her marriage to Edward Richardson was over but this was clearly something he could not accept."

Crime fighter

One of the stars on "CSI" did not rely on high-tech crime fighting techniques when he thwarted a crime -- he just beat the criminal down.

Gerald McCullouch -- aka crime scene investigator Bobby Dawson -- was on a train from JFK Airport in NYC when a very large man tried grabbing his laptop. McCullouch -- a trained boxer who had just been in the ring 8 hours earlier -- treated the criminal to a body shot to the chest, according to the New York Daily News.

Now get this. The 6-foot-3-inch, 240 lb scofflaw pulled out a kitchen knife with a 10-inch blade. As other passengers ran for cover, the dude tried to plunge the knife in McCullouch's back, but his leather jacket protected him. 

McCullouch says he was in the guy's face and punched him again. The train had just left the station when it stopped. McCullouch said, "You are f**ked, buddy." "Buddy" then came at him again with the knife. 

At that point 10 cops jumped on the train and busted the guy. And get this -- cops told McCullouch the culprit may be the same guy who stabbed two cops.

Henry Lee, eat your heart out. This dude knows how to solve crimes.

Jimmy Pardo

Pardo was born on July 28 in Chicago and eventually grew up in Hometown, Illinois and Oak Forest, IL. He moved to Los Angeles in 1995 to continue his career in stand-up comedy. Pardo is married to fellow comedian Danielle Koenig^[1], daughter of Walter Koenig. They have one son, Oliver Pardo.

[edit]Comedy career

Pardo hosted GSN's National Lampoon's Funny Money from June to October 2003. He has also appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno as well as several appearances on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson^[2].

Currently, Pardo hosts the award-winning podcast Never Not Funny with the producer Matt Belknap. He also hosted the cult favorite, Match Game Live, a live version of the Match Game television game show, to standing room only crowds at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in Los Angeles. He currently hosts the UCB Theatre's "You Bet Your Life", a 2009 version of Groucho's old show.

In addition to his comedy CDs Uno and Pompous Clown, in 2007 Pardo appeared on the comedy compilation CD Comedy Death-Ray. Pardo is also featured on The Bob and Tom Show's comedy collectionAs Big As a Hat.

Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari (born February 23, 1983) is an Indian American actor/comedian. He is best known as one of the stars of the critically acclaimed sketch comedy series Human Giant on MTV, for which he is also a writer and executive producer. The show recently completed its second season.

In 2009, Ansari will appear in a new NBC series starring Amy Poehler from producers of The Office.

He has also appeared on the HBO series Flight of the Conchords. He's recently completed roles in the films Observe and Report with Seth Rogen and I Love You, Man with Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. In October 2008, it was announced Ansari had joined the cast of the new Judd Apatow film Funny People starring Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen. On January 6th 2009, Ansari debuted on the season 8 premiere of the ABC sitcom Scrubs as Ed, a new intern to the hospital. He is slated to appear in a few more episodes.

He currently resides in Los Angeles.

over due

NDEPENDENCE, Iowa (AP) - An Iowa woman has been arrested because she failed to return a library book.

Thirty-nine-year-old Shelly Koontz was arrested Thursday night on a fifth-degree theft charge. She is accused of keeping "The Freedom Writers Diary," which she checked out from the public library in nearby Jesup in April.

Police say the book—which is about a high school teacher's effort to inspire students to write—is valued at $13.95.

Court records show library employees tried repeatedly to contact Koontz by phone and mail. A police officer even visited her home last September.

Officials at the Buchanan County jail say Koontz was released after posting $250 bond. No telephone listing for Koontz could be found in the Independence area.

JRs

JR's SHOWTIMES - SHOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED THURSDAY Comedy Shows  6:30 pm $10.00 FRIDAY Comedy Shows  6:30 pm & 9:30 pm  $12.50  SATURDAY Comedy Shows  6:30 pm & 9:30 pm  $12.50 NO SMOKING JR.’S IS A TOTALLY SMOKEFREE FACILITY! NOTE: Pricing & Showtimes apply to Regular Comedy Shows and NOT Special Events!

Diane Kawasaki

Diane Kawasaki is a 24-year-old Japanese-Korean-American little person with a mission in life: to confront ignorance and stupidity with her comedy. “Ever since I can remember,” Diane says, “strangers have either assumed I was retarded or felt that they had a right to satisfy their curiosity by asking me personal questions like ‘How do you take a shower?’ or ‘why are you like that?’ ” Anyone expecting a cute, polite response hasn’t met Diane! “I have better things to do than discuss my life story with strangers. So, to save time (and my sanity), I am using comedy as a medium to educate people and allow society a glimpse into my life…Plus I want to get really rich!” 

Diane was raised in a traditional Asian-American household, which means she was taught to suppress her feelings and refrain from asking questions. Apparently, it didn’t take! Nobody who has witnessed this feisty firebrand’s outrageous comedy would come away with the impression that she was shy or demure. Diane’s hilariously honest comedy is based on real life experiences, and she attacks ignorance with the aggressive force of comics like Margaret Cho, Chris Rock and Roseanne. “I spent most of my younger years being a polite drone, but now I’m in the process of breaking free of my sweet Asian little girl shell. I share my encounters with America’s Most Ignorant, and make sure people know that I’m not going to tolerate disrespect! My goal in comedy is to say all the stuff I didn’t have a chance to say being the sweet little Asian hybrid child.” 

Diane was born and raised in Honolulu, HI. “Everyone asks me why I left paradise,” she remembers. “I lived on a block with four major “gentlemen’s clubs” and my mom was mugged right outside of my childhood home.” Ah paradise! After getting a degree in journalism from the University of Hawaii, Diane landed a lucrative job folding brochures for the government. Unfortunately, she was soon replaced by a machine that turned out to be “faster and more economical” (and had a better attitude). In 2006, she moved to L.A. to study screenwriting at UCLA. “Like 98% of L.A.’s coffee shop patrons, I believed I would be the next Stallone and write my Rocky and star in it. I was quite disappointed when I realized I was yet another tree killer without a justified cause.” Reluctant to concede defeat, Diane took a standup writing workshop. She discovered that standup comedy was more satisfying than writing scripts, and began to pour her energy into her act. “Years and years of suppression finally started to fade away with this new opportunity.” And audiences just can’t get enough of Diane’s clever wit and firecracker personality! 

Diane’s comedy is feisty, honest and direct. She finds inspiration in the work of George Carlin, Margaret Cho, Rita Rudner, Ellen Degeneres, Roseanne and Chris Rock. She has performed at The Ice House, The Hollywood Improv, The Comedy Store, and nightclubs, bars and coffee shops throughout Southern California. She has performed in benefits for the L.A. Women’s Shakespeare Company and the Forever Free Alumni Association. Diane has appeared on Laff it Off With Grace, as well as several independent short films and webisodes. She continues to continues to make audiences laugh while confronting ignorance and demanding respect.

obama

The Audacity Of Dope

Cops: New York dealers sold heroin branded with president's name

JANUARY 23--Add heroin to the scores of products that have been branded with President Barack Obama's name. Cops in upstate New York this week broke up a drug ring that allegedly sold heroin under several brand names, including "Obama." As seen in Sullivan County Sheriff's Office photos, the president's surname was stamped in red ink on small glassine wrappers that were peddled by street dealers. Investigators arrested five suspects for their alleged roles in the narcotics distribution activity. The branding of illicit drugs is a favorite of pushers, who have previously sold bin Laden heroin, Harry Potter Ecstasy, bricks of Teletubbies cocaine, and green-tinted crack in recognition of St. Patrick's Day. (2 pages)

finally the truth

George Burns must be rolling in his grave -- because some schmuck with the same name is suing a basketball legend in one of the dumbest lawsuits ever. 

Burns -- not the dead comedian -- claims he and a guy named Rodney Junior came up with the "novel idea" to put Dr. J in a Dr. Pepper commercial ... and "also for more commercials starring other famous but fictional and/or real-life 'Dr's.'" 

Brilliant stuff.

In the lawsuit, filed earlier this week in Clark County, Nevada, the guys claim Dr. J turned down their idea -- only to star in a Dr. Pepper add a few months later. Now they want $20k in damages ... good luck.

A rep for Erving was not immediately reached.

sushi

An angry sushi chef is accused of slicing up another driver during a dispute on the side of the road. But as CBS 2 HD found out, both drivers are facing charges. 

"I thought I was dying," Jack Zaiback said. "I actually said a couple of prayers in the EMS." 

One minute Zaiback was driving to work; the next, he said, he was fighting off a knife-wielding sushi chef. 

"What he did to Mr. Zaiback was he treated him like a slab of tuna. I'll put it that way," attorney Alex Grosshtern said. 

Zaiback, 23, was commuting from Brooklyn to a cell phone store he owns in New Jersey when he crossed paths with 37-year-old Yao Zhou and an incident of road rage went off the deep end. 

The two men were driving south here on the Western Shore Expressway. Zaiback said he pulled over after accidentally cutting off Zhou. That's when he said Zhou started cutting him. 

Zaiback said Zhou first approached the car, but when Zaiback tried exchanging license and insurance information, the attack began. 

"He kept trying to reach for my neck and he actually got me right here," Zaiback said pointing. "He did it like seven, eight times." 

Zaiback received 100 stitches. 

Police have filed assault charges against Zhou and Zaiback, but Zaiback's lawyer said his client's wounds should convince the court his client is a victim. 

"This could have easily been a homicide and in my opinion should be charged as attempted murder," Grosshtern said. 

Zhou's lawyer declined to speak on camera but told CBS 2 HD there are two sides to every story and, "the truth will come out in time." 

Zaiback said he sees meaning in his brush with death. 

"I guess God did make a miracle," he said. "Maybe he's trying to make me wake up to something that I'm not doing the right way." 

But, he said he has no idea what struck a sushi chef's raw nerve that day. 

Zaiback said if it weren't for a passing highway NYPD unit that intervened he could have been killed. 

Both men are due in court next month.

Larry King

Larry King on Barack Obama: “Black is in…my eight-year-old son wishes he was black.” Thursday, January 22, 2009, 05:50 PM GMT [General] CNN's orange-haired septuagenarian chatterbox Larry King has been bowled over by the new Age of Obama, enthusing that his youngest offspring (from his seventh marriage) wants to be black. I guess it's a case of black being, er, the new black. Interviewing a visibly uncomfortable Bob Woodward on his eponymous CNN show last night, Larry, 75, gushed: "My younger son Cannon, he is eight. And he now says that he would like to be black. I'm not kidding. He said there's a lot of advantages. Black is in. Is this a turning of the tide?" The distinguished Watergate scribbler responded "well, maybe" and talked about how his 12-year-old daughter Diana liked Barack Obama's inaugural speech before gingerly steering the discussion towards George W. Bush's magnanimity and how he "hasn't, you know, made any cheap shots" at his White House successor. It could have been worse, Bob. The other day, Larry blurted out that things were changing so fast that there could soon be a lesbian in the Oval Office. "Who would've thunk it," he said on KIIS radio in Los Angeles. "I can't believe it. Well

beatings

2 teens accused of groping, spanking the elderly

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By AMY FORLITI, Associated Press Writer – Thu Jan 22, 7:48 am ET

ALBERT LEA, Minn. – Allegations that two young assistants groped, spanked and spat on several nursing home residents suffering from dementia have shaken members of this southern Minnesota community, including the lead prosecutor in the case.

Brianna Marie Broitzman and Ashton Michelle Larson, both 19, appeared in court Wednesday to face multiple charges over the alleged abuse at Good Samaritan Society. The young women did not enter pleas, and both were released on bail.

"I think that they are very serious charges," Freeborn County Attorney Craig Nelson said after the hearing. "We're dealing with people who are vulnerable adults. People who are clearly ... in need of our care and our concern and our monitoring. They depend on us for everything."

Nelson added: "I, as a member of this community, certainly can feel it in my bones."

Four younger aides were also charged earlier, with one pleading guilty and the others facing trials in Juvenile Court.

A criminal complaint alleges the abuse occurred over several months in early 2008. The complaint says in one case, Broitzman and Larson allegedly poked a woman in the breasts and laughed when she told them to stop.

The Associated Press does not routinely identify victims of sexual abuse.

The complaint said Larson admitted lying on a bed with another patient, hugging her, kissing her forehead and telling her she loved her. Witnesses said Larson also groped the woman in bed and played with the woman's wig to make her angry, the complaint said.

Comedian

Ironically, this review of a movie about comedians is going to be pretty serious. After all, it’s pretty ironic in itself that a film about comedians is pretty serious to begin with. But I don’t really feel too clever today, so prepare to get the me that could be reviewing films for “real”, if I had the ambition and resources to dumb myself down enough to go actually be a respected film critic. I guess, in a way, that’s kind of ironic too, and not in an Alanis Morrisette sort of way.

In 1998, Jerry Seinfeld decided to hang up his award-winning sitcom after nine years on the air, when it was still the top-rated show on television. Soon after, he decided to chuck all of his old material out the window and go back on the road in the guise that he started his career in: a comedian. In a memorable scene from this documentary chronicling his comeback, Jerry stands in a small club in front of a few dozen cramped onlookers, then exclaims, “What am I doing here? I made it!”

    

It’s a scary world out there for a stand-up comic, as COMEDIAN lets us know. In this documentary (which I had hoped to have seen by the end of last year but it wasn’t playing here) we see one of the biggest names in comedy try and get his bearings, basically starting at square one all over again. Alongside Seinfeld, we also follow another comic, by the name of Orny Adams, who is trying to make a name for himself in the business for the first time. COMEDIAN shows the similarities and differences in the two performers’ struggles on the club circuit, building up to appearances on big time talk shows. In the meantime, they get to give as well as receive advice to and from other high-profile comics, including Colin Quinn, Chris Rock, and Dave Chappelle.

In Seinfeld’s case, it’s a learning experience. After over twenty years of doing stand-up, he has to prove himself all over again. It’s easy to get your foot in the door when your name is Jerry Seinfeld, but if you don’t entertain the people in the crowd, your name might as well be Orny Adams. There’s a particular scene where Seinfeld actually loses his train of thought while performing an act. For someone who has watched him perform so comfortably on his television show, it’s a painful sight to watch. He even gets heckled. Yes, Jerry Seinfeld gets heckled. He handles it well, of course, which is more than we can say for Orny Adams.

At one point, Adams, who comes off as an arrogant prick half the time and then a humbled ass-kisser the next, also gets the heckling treatment by a crowd member, and lets it get to him afterward to the point where he’s calling relatives. He’s quick to blame the audience’s intellect and the time of day for a failed joke, but it’s pretty visible that inside he considers himself a failure. Looking deeper, we see that Orny has scores of material written. Mindblowing amounts of paper, neurotically and obsessively filed away, showing how much work he is willing to ply to his craft. If he seems bitter because life seems to be passing him by, he’s apparently got the right to. But Seinfeld himself encourages Orny to keep at it, regardless of what the rest of his peers are doing with their lives.

    

The real interesting thing to see is the other side of Jerry Seinfeld. We know the character from the television show as the real him, so it’s a bit of a shocker to see him with his wife and child. It’s another to see him cursing up a storm. And of course, the kicker is seeing this comedian, who has been perceived as one of the best in the business, getting butterflies about performing material for the first time. Seinfeld draws a lot of encouragement from his idols. It’s quite a sight to see a man in his late 40’s who has devoted half his life to comedy looking like the new kid on the block when meeting Robert Klein and Bill Cosby. However, the real icing on the cake comes from the big inspirational moment where Jerry meets with the Cos’ himself. Hearing the man who made Cliff Huxtable a household name swearing like a sailor is worth the price of admission.

Documentaries tend to be a highly overrated genre of film, and probably in direct response to that, I’m highly scrutinous of them. It’s rare you see Ebert or others of his ilk give a documentary film a subpar review, which is why it’s so odd that Ebert gave this one two stars. This was part of the curiosity I had to see COMEDIAN, just to find out if I agreed with Roger on this one. He tends to give stellar reviews to documentaries that I find dull and uninspired, so I figured in this case I would either (a) despise COMEDIAN with every ounce of my being or (b) completely disagree with Ebert and actually enjoy COMEDIAN more than most documentaries I’ve seen recently. The answer, actually, was (c). For once in my life, I sort of agreed with mr. Chubbythumbs on this one, but for different reasons.

Ebert dwells on what you can’t see here: and that’s the politics behind the film. On the other hand, I criticize COMEDIAN for things like pacing, flow, and lack of “oomph”. The subject matter is interesting enough, and there’s plenty of entertaining footage, but the build to the film’s final moments seems like it was executed without much effort. Director Christian Charles apparently followed Seinfeld and Adams around with a camera for a year, but you really don’t get that impression. This feels more like a few nights at a few clubs more than a grueling year on the road. Adams’ story is forgotten too soon, and he’s virtually nonexistent for the last third of the film. There’s a bonus on the DVD which shows a “where are they now” piece on Adams that really belongs in the film rather than as an afterthought.

joke gym Thurs

Tom VRab was 2nd up on Thurs and he kicked some ass. I saw him last year and he's really taken his comedy to new levels. He has fun on stage and is comfortable with the crowd. He's got great jokes. He knows when the jokes don't work and has a feel for the crowd. A top comic at the joke gym.

joke gym Thurs

The joke gym was packed and when I say packed, it had more than 12 people. I counted 24 and 2 others who were comics. Tim Cannonball was 10th on the list. I handed him a slip of paper with 2 minutes of jokes and he stretched it to 5 five. It was his first time on stage not counting 8 years ago at his cousin Jesse's wedding. He got a lot of laughs. I spoke to Tim after the show and while he pushed away tears I said "you killed." Tim thought that he bombed but I associate that with him being sober on stage. Good Job Timmy.

JOKE GYM Thurs

The new year started late for The Joke Gym because we didn't have a show on January 1. We made up for it, however, but recruiting our favorite Jewish Canadian rocket scientist as guest MC. 

Yes, Rudy Boehmer did the honors at another full house tonight. 

In the open mic: 
Dave Smith
Tom Vrab
Ryan Niemiller
Jim Lee
Corey Craig
Paula Johnson
Mark Seaton
Patrick Hill
Mark Akita
Tim Cannon*
Crazy Marvin Ladd
Scott Shimamoto
Yak
Ben Random
Eric DeLuca
Steve Bruner*
Barry Weisenberg
Steve Schneider
Yashar Kafi
Katsy Chappell
Richard Chang
Tyrone Fance
Dennis Burke*
*First time at The Joke Gym

And a special thanks to Amy Snively who was the last of our booked featured comics.

knoxville

Johnny Knoxville is a self-confessed jackass -- but says even he wouldn't knowingly bring a grenade into an airport.

In a statement on his website, Johnny says the wardrobe gal from a commercial shoot a few days back actually packed a "prop grenade" in his bag -- and he never knew it was there.

Law enforcement tells us Knoxville gave them the same story at LAX yesterday when he was stopped and cited for carrying a real grenade sans ammo.

Knoxville writes "Ah f**k was I bummed when I realized what had happened... They [the cops] were cool as they could be to me, considering the situation, and it is no one's fault but my own. I should have checked my goddamn luggage through and through."

Joke Gym

The Joke Gym happens in the room right off the bar at Zapata Vive. We have a small stage, sound system, and lots of tables and chairs. It's a swell space! 

The early bird gets more stage time

• Sign-ups start at 6:30 p.m. on show nights, and end when all spots are filled or at 7 p.m. (whichever comes first). 

• When you sign in, you can pick any open spot on the list. 
If you sign in first, you get the best selection.

• The first 3 performers to sign-up get 7 minutes each. 
• The next 3 performers to sign up get 6 minutes each.
• The next 12 performers else get 5 minutes each. 
If we have additional comedians, and we have the time, we will offer 3-minute "overtime" slots. We don't like to turn anyone away, but we do need to vacate the room so the staff can close the restaurant on time.

• Please print your intro on a (provided) 3x5 card when you sign in. If your name is tough to pronounce, please spell it phonetically. We want to give you a solid welcome, so help us. Help us help you.

• You must sign up in person. That does not mean emailing for a spot the day before, or calling from your cell when you're stuck in traffic on the way to the show.You need to actually be in the room to sign up for the open mic. We hate to harsh your mellow, but we want to be fair to the performers who show up at 6:30 p.m. with bright, shiny faces.

• Feel free to bring your notes, tape recorder and water on stage.

• The big red light goes on when you have 1 minute left. It startsflashing when you've hit your time limit.

• We no longer book a featured comic for each show. We use all our time for open mic comics. Our final featured comic will appear on Jan. 15.

• Bring your friends! It's a fun, supportive environment with great food and a full bar. Free parking and no cover. That's why we say it's "no sweat stand-up comedy."

Guest MCs

Do you have a deep-down hankering to MC a comedy show? Scott and Paula do like a night off now and then, so guest MCs come in handy.

If you're participated in our open mic at least once, and want to try MCing, email The Joke Gym. Our room is the best place to try new things.

BG

Boy George just has been sentenced to 15 months behind bars for chaining up a male escort in his London apartment. 

A British judge handed down the sentence this morning following BG's conviction of falsely imprisoning Audun Carlsen, a Norwegian escort whom he had met on the Internet. The judge called Boy's bondage -- in which he handcuffed Carlsen to a wall hook in Boy's flat -- "premeditated," "callous" and "degrading". 

In the last four years, George has been convicted of drug charges and being a "nuisance" to cops.

knoxville

UPDATE: We've learned the "grenade" found in Knoxville's bag was the real deal -- but had no explosives. In other words, it was not a toy.

Only a jackass brings a grenade to an airport -- and cops say that's exactly what Johnny Knoxville did today.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Knoxville was detained this morning at LAX after security found a fake grenade in his carry-on bag. He was in terminal 4 (American Airlines) when a screener saw something suspicious.

Knoxville was detained, cited and released. We're told the citation was for carrying a "prohibited item" into an airport.

But check this -- Knoxville made his flight.

LA TIMES

Yes I will blog today. Be afraid, very afraid. I went to buy the LA times today and it's 75 cents now and weighs an ounce. They raised the price and cut out 50 pages. They should call it a leaflet. 75 cents for doom and gloom. I'd rather punch myself in the nuts in buy a soda. in a can bc a bottle is 75 cents more. The La times has sunk to a new low. I'm sure the next step is to charge us for reading it online.

da plane!

Ricardo Montalban dies at 88; 'Fantasy Island' actor

He was often cast -- and stereotyped -- as a Latin lover and later was best known as Mr. Roarke of 'Fantasy Island.' He was respected for his work to improve the roles and image of other Latino actors

By Lorenza Muñoz 
6:24 PM PST, January 14, 2009

Ricardo Montalban, the suave leading man who was one of the first Mexican-born actors to make it big in Hollywood and who was best known for his role as Mr. Roarke on TV's "Fantasy Island," has died. He was 88.

Montalban died Wednesday morning at his Los Angeles home of complications related to old age, said his son-in-law, Gilbert Smith.

JOKE GYM

Show Dates
Thursday, Jan. 15, 2008
Guest MC Rudy Boehmer
Comedian sign-ups: 6:30 p.m.
Open mic show: 7 to 9 p.m.
Featured comic: Amy Snively

Feb. 5: MC Paula Johnson
Feb. 19: MC Scott Shimamoto
Our one-year anniversary!
March 5: Guest MC Rosé
March 19: MC Paula Johnson
April 2: MC Scott Shimamoto
April 16
May 7:
May 21:
June 4
June 18
July 2
July 16:
Aug. 6
Aug. 20
Sept. 3
Sept. 17
Oct. 1
Oct. 15
Nov. 5
Nov. 19
Dec. 3
Dec. 17

Howie

Sources tell TMZ Howie Mandel was rushed to a Toronto hospital Monday night after suffering severe chest pains.

Cops tell us they found Howie conscious and breathing at around 7 PM in the elevator of the Sheraton Hotel on Queen Street. According to sources, Mandel was taken to St. Michael's Hospital. There are reports he complained of an irregular heartbeat earlier Monday.

We're told Mandel is spending the night in the hospital and being treated for an irregular heartbeat.

Howie was in Toronto taping his new show, "Howie Do It."

Story developing..

Hooters

Some desperate men with a dream to serve hot wings and wear short-shorts are suing the people behind Hooters -- because the man-haven wouldn't hire the dudes as waitresses!

These dumbasses -- led by some d-bag named Nikolai Grushevski -- have filed a class-action suit in Texas alleging they were each "denied a waiter's position because of ... gender." No s**t?!!?!!

Anyway, the guys -- who we'll call "the ruiners of all things good" -- are claiming the Southwest Airlines defense, citing a three-decade-old case where the airline was forced eventually to hire male flight attendants. 

The guys are asking the court for emotional damages -- but we thought you had to have thosebefore getting a job at Hooters!

big guy

LONDON (AFP) - A man has been told he and his wife cannot adopt children because he is so fat that the authorities fear he will die, he said Monday.

ADVERTISEMENT

Damien Hall, who stands six feet, one inch tall, weighs 24 and a half stone. He therefore has a body mass index (BMI) of more than 42 and is thus considered morbidly obese.

The call centre worker, 37, and his nanny wife Charlotte, 31, cannot have children of their own and approached Leeds City Council, about adopting.

But their local authority told them that Damien must get his BMI down below 40 before they can be considered as potential parents due to concerns over his weight.

"The bottom line is I'm too fat," he told BBC radio. "It's hard to lose weight under pressure. I'm not a couch potato and I don't sit eating takeaways every night.

"I just feel as though we were only judged on my weight and not all the other good things about us.

"We don't drink or smoke and we could give a child a happy and safe home."

The letter the couple received from Leeds City Council said they were unable to process their adoption application "due to the concerns that the medical advisers have expressed regarding Mr Hall's weight.

"The Adoption Panel are unlikely to approve applicants with a BMI over 40 because of the long term health risks.

"It would therefore be to your advantage to begin the assessment with an up to date medical where your BMI is clearly recorded as being under 40 and to demonstrate that you are able to maintain this weight loss over the period of the assessment."

Charlotte Hall said the letter was "gutting" and "to be turned down flatly just on that, it's just harsh.

"We're here ready to take a child on.

"They seem to be saying it's better for them to be in care and being shoved from pillar to post just in case Damien dies."

In a statement, Leeds City Council explained: "The council's adoption service has a legal responsibility to ensure that children are placed with adopters who are able to provide the best possible lifelong care.

"Part of this responsibility is advice for applicants on a range of suitability criteria, including any health and lifestyle issues which may impact on an applicant's long term ability to adopt."

Party

He was arrested Friday and arraigned Saturday.

Buttafuoco's lawyer says it was an accident. He says his client only meant to play the tape for a friend and didn't realize it was being amplified.

Investigators say the 23-year-old West Babylon man made the recording when he attended a rally opposing Israeli military action in Gaza, during which protesters chanted, "Allah Akbar," or "God is great."

Police initially released a statement saying that Buttafuoco had also been charged with disrupting a religious service, but that charge was not introduced at his arraignment.

Jamie Kennedy

WOW! I had to press pause for the Heckler. This is an Awesome movie. JK kicks ass!

cruise

This is the second article on the ups and downs of working as a guest performer (in my case, as a magician) on cruise ships. I have worked on over 32 different ship during the past 7 years. I will try to describe as accurately as possible the life of a guest performer on a cruise ship.

A captive audience

When I started working on cruise ships comedy clubs were very popular. Numerous bars offered stand-up comic acts and I used to play in four or five towns every week. I’d get paid $100 to $150 a night. After taking care of expenses (gas, material, equipment rental and food), there wasn’t much left!

I quickly understood that I had to find a place that would be more lucrative to perform if I wanted reasonable pay. I did have a few golf tournaments during the summer and some conventions throughout the year but those were not always assured and conditions left much to be desired.

So I decided to look into cruise ships. I had a promotional video made and my agent contacted American booking agents specialized in cruise liners.

When I’d come back to Quebec, I would still perform in comedy clubs. Comedians I spent time with often asked me where else I was working and I would answer that I also worked on cruise ships.

I would get all kinds of reactions, but most often people said: “It’s easy to perform in front of a captive audience, they have nowhere to go.” I didn’t argue with them but, to tell the truth, I always found performing on a cruise ship very unsettling.

Let me explain. The public on a cruise ship takes for granted that we owe them something. That public can stand up and leave the room at any moment. Since they didn’t have to “pay”, strictly speaking, they have much less patience. It’s in your interest to be very good in the first five minutes and your act should not have any slow moments. Those people are used to watching action movies on television and they zap easily. But now, they don’t have a remote control…

In general that kind of public does not show its appreciation much. After hundreds of shows, I would say that about one person out of eight (1/8) applauds after a number (the others must still think they’re in front of their TV). How many times have I seen, just in front of me in the first rows, people slumped into their seats, arms crossed, their whole attitude saying “Come on, funny boy, make me laugh…”

Working in front of such a captive audience on a cruise ship is very hard. That kind of public can easily turn against you. You have to be politically correct at all times. Americans being rather prudish, you have to be very cautious when you hint at sex. Above all, never ever venture on the delicate topic of religion.

I talk mostly about Americans because they constitute the bulk of the clientele traveling on cruise ships.

That public is also very moody. If the weather is bad, if the boat rocks a lot, you can expect a tough night. The hardest evening is without a doubt the first—the Welcome Aboard evening. People have been traveling all day, they’ve waited in line for hours, they’re tired and cranky.

The public is generally made up of seniors (except for a few weeks every year). Some companies have a younger clientele (Carnival), whereas others like Holland of America attract older people (on average 65 and over). I’ve noticed that the average customer age varies with the destination. For example, you are sure to entertain a senior public if you’re going to the Panama Canal or any other destination with many days at sea.

A working evening generally includes 2 shows of 45 minutes each with 2 different publics. You can thus repeat the same act.

I was saying earlier that it is very unsettling to work for this kind of public. For reasons that are unclear to me, you can have an excellent first act and one that is so-so an hour later or vice versa, no matter how much energy you put into it. The same tricks, the same jokes, etc., and the publics react differently even if they are on the same boat, go to the same places, eat the same food, etc.

No, it isn’t easy to work in front of a “captive” audience on a cruise ship. It is one of the hardest publics to please, after a group made up of 98% males after a golf tournament, but that is another story.

EDDIE

U.S. comic EDDIE GRIFFIN is facing legal action from a member of a TV crew who claims to have been assaulted by the star.
Vince Beane has filed papers at Los Angeles Superior Court accusing the stand-up comedian of attacking him on 10 March (08).
At the time of the alleged incident, Beane was working as a production manager on a pilot TV show starring Griffin, and he claims the star flew into a drunken rage when he discovered he had been booked into a "cheap three star hotel" - allegedly taking his anger out on Beane.
The TV firm - The Leslie Grief Company - is also named in the suit, according to TMZ.com. Bosses are accused of plying Griffin with alcohol and then failing to protect staff from "the violent propensity of the inebri

BILL

Print Email Share Add to My Stories

Comedian Bill Cosby settles sex assault case

Posted Thu Nov 9, 2006 1:01pm AEDT

US comedian Bill Cosby has settled a lawsuit brought by a woman who claimed he sexually assaulted her, Cosby's publicist says.

Andrea Constand, a native of Canada, said in the suit the attack occurred at Cosby's home in suburban Philadelphia in early 2004, when he allegedly drugged her and then assaulted her.

"Ms Constand and Mr Cosby have resolved their differences, and therefore the litigation has been dismissed," Cosby's publicist David Brokaw said in a statement.

He said there would be no further comment.

Ms Constand's suit alleged at least 10 other women also had been assaulted by the 69-year-old comedian.

Prosecutors decli

jobs

The dude who took the incredibly awesome photos of a skier being dangled with his dangle hangin' out -- could lose his job over the incident. 

Marty Odem -- a photographer who works for a company that shoots pics of skiers at Vail Mountain ski lifts -- says he's already been suspended over the pics and believes he'll probably get fired over the incident. The photo company says the pics violate the skier's privacy. No pun intended.

Odom wrote on a snowboarding website that he took the pictures on his day off and was carrying his own camera. Even with the threat of losing his job, Odem claims "the photo is worth it." 

And it 

old skool comic

It looks like nothing will come of Marty Ingles and the Case of the Missing $500 Hat. 

Ingles' rep tells TMZ the D.A. won't charge Shirley Jones' husband over the December incident at a Burbank hat store. TMZ obtained surveillance videoshowing Ingles take the hat, but he always maintained it was a misunderstanding. Apparently, the district attorney's office agreed. 

The D.A.'s office was closed and could not be reached for comment.

Sacha Baron

The comedian, who has been sued by several people who featured in his film Borat, will be ready for similar reactions after the release of the big-screen debut of his character Bruno.

The title character, a gay Austrian fashion journalist, is already well known for storming runways at designers' shows and aiming to embarrass industry figures in interviews. Clips of his work have become cult favourites on YouTube.

And it is thought that the film version will see Bruno in more outrageous form.

As well as the Jesus character, it is rumoured that Bruno and his boyfriend, Diesel, adopt an orphaned African baby boy called David and parade the child around fashion shows. It is thought the joke is aimed at Madonna, who adopted a Malawian baby called David Banda.

A source reported to have seen the film in a test screening told The Sun: "Sacha has really gone for the shock tactics this time. The characters were created deliberately to wind up certain sections of society and Jesus is one of them.

"It won't be the first time Sacha has landed himself in hot water," the source reportedly added. "The water might be a little hotter this time round, though. Religion isn't always the best place to poke fun."

Faizon Love

A man alleged that comedian Faizon Love attacked him Wednesday in a West Hollywood hotel, the sheriff's department reported.

Deputies went to the Standard Hotel, 8300 W. Sunset Blvd., about 1 a.m., but Love was not there, said Sgt. Kristin Aloma of the sheriff's West Hollywood Station.

"There was an allegation of a battery," Aloma said. The alleged victim declined medical treatment, and deputies took a report, Aloma said. Detectives will handle any follow-up.

The story was broken by TMZ.com. It reported that Love was sued in June 2007 for allegedly assaulting a woman who was a former stage manager in one of his productions.

Love, 40, appeared in the 1995 movie "Friday," portraying the character Big Worm; and appeared most recently in the 2008 movies "Days of Wrath" and "Of Boys and Men," according to the Web site IMDb.com.

george lopez

A NY doctor who's demanding the return of the kidney he donated to his adultery-committing ex-wife suddenly has a brand new enemy -- George Lopez's wife!

Ann Lopez, who once donated one of her kidneys to save George's life, has fired off a statement, crushing the Kidneyian Giver – aka Dr Richard Batista – for the "outrageous demand" he made in the New York media. Batista – who found out about his wife's affair after he donated the organ -- demanded his wife return the kidney or fork over $1.5 million ASAP. 

In the statement, Lopez says, "Being an organ donor is selflessly giving another person the gift of life. Organ donation is an act of compassion, humanity, and love. To ask for monetary compensation for this gift is not only illegal but sends a highly destructive and irreparable message about living organ donation to the public.

chuck e

onduct at Chuck E. Cheese described as 'madness'

by MATTHEW KEMENY, Of The Patriot-News

Wednesday January 07, 2009, 1:00 PM

JOHN C. WHITEHEAD, The Patriot-News/2008Chuck E. Cheese in Susquehanna Township.

The wobbly video shows a group of adults mulling inside Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant in Susquehanna Twp. Suddenly it pans left and captures a fight breaking out.

The 22-second clip, uploaded Sunday to YouTube, is the latest example of what police describe as a disturbing and bizarre crime trend: escalating violence among adults at a place designed for children's birthday parties. 

Susquehanna Township police have been called to the restaurant on Union Deposit Road 12 times in the past year for reports of disorderly conduct, assault and theft. Those calls have resulted in 13 arrests, including six women -- five adults and a juvenile -- charged with disorderly conduct in a Saturday-night brawl.

In 2007, police responded to the restaurant 18 times for similar offenses.

"It's madness, absolute madness," Susquehanna Twp. Police Chief Robert A. Martin said.

Martin said he believes much of the violence stems from ongoing disputes among people who bump into each other in the restaurant. "They see each other at Chuck E. Cheese, and before you know it an argument turns into something physical."

The assaults also could be attributed to separated or divorced parents who attend a child's birthday party, he said. Such was the case in an April 4 incident, when police accused a man of slapping his estranged wife in the head at their child's party.

The violence at Chuck E. Cheese's isn't isolated to the Susquehanna Township restaurant. Last month, the Wall Street Journal published an article about a growing number of adult melees at locations in Brookfield, Wisc.; Topeka, Kan.; Toledo, Ohio; and Flint, Mich.

The number of calls at the Susquehanna Township location increased from 11 in 2005 and nine in 2006, Martin said. In late March, police broke up a fight involving 20 people.

Other Chuck E .Cheese restaurants in central Pennsylvania have had similar problems.

At the Manheim Twp. restaurant in Lancaster County, a man was arrested March 20 after police said he ran around the restaurant spitting and yelling he had hepatitis C. A week earlier, a 17-year-old Warwick Twp. girl was walking to her car in the parking lot when a man walked up behind her, grabbed her and tried to drag her away, police said. No one has been arrested in that incident.

A call to CEC Entertainment, Inc., which runs Chuck E. Cheese, was referred to the company's legal department in Irvine, Texas. Messages left Tuesday morning and afternoon were not returned.

ufc

Quinton "Rampage" Jackson has just pled guilty to one felony count of evading cops in that crazy chase last July.

You'll recall the former UFC champ crashed into cars and almost hit pedestrians before cops hauled his butt out of his monster truck -- at gunpoint. The best part -- Jackson was trying to escape in a vehicle that had a huge pic of him emblazoned on the side.

Based on the plea agreement, Jackson could get 6 months in jail. He'll also have to complete 200 hours of community service -- hopefully, they'll keep him off the freeway.

johnny law

DECATUR, Ala. (AP) - A federal judge has ordered the arrest of an Alabama sheriff who was held in contempt of court for failing to adequately feed jail inmates while profiting from the skimpy meals. U.S. District Judge U.W. Clemon ordered marshals to take Morgan County Sheriff Greg Bartlett into custody at the end of a hearing Wednesday in Decatur. The sheriff had testified that he legally pocketed about $212,000 over three years with surplus meal money but denied that inmates were improperly fed. Alabama's unusual practice of letting sheriffs profit from feeding inmates dates back to the Depression. Clemon, however, said the sheriff would be held until he comes up with a plan to provide the 300 jail inmates with nutrionally adequate meals, as required by an earlier court order.

comedy

Law enforcement sources say comedian/actor Faizon Love is the suspect in a battery last night in West Hollywood.

The incident went down at 1:00 AM this morning at the Standard Hotel. Love -- who played Big Worm in "Friday" -- allegedly struck a man in the head with his fist. By the time cops arrived, Love was nowhere to be found. Cops tell us -- they'd Love to talk to him.

In June 2007, Love was sued for allegedly committing a"barbaric assault" on a woman who was a former stage manager in one of his productions. She says the actor chased her around the table, yelled and cursed and threw chairs at her after she allegedly rejected his sexual advances. It appears a default judgment was entered against Love.

comedy

Work as a Cruise Ship Comedian

How to Get a Job Performing Stand-up Comedy Onboard

© Leslie Halpern

Aug 18, 2007

Performing stand-up comedy on a cruise ship is not the place to start your career, but it may be a great way to make extra money and broaden your experience.

The squeaky clean image of cruise line comedy is changing. Today’s cruise ship comedians are contemporary, hip, and willing to take chances.

Typically there are three nightly shows. The two earlier shows feature Las Vegas-style seating for 1000 people and family-oriented comedy. The special midnight “adult” comedy show is smaller and lasts from 30 minutes to an hour. To avoid misunderstandings, stand-up comics give their shows a sensitivity rating in the cruise newsletter.

Pay and Assignments Vary on Cruise Ships

No one rule exists for cruise line gigs. Pay and assignments vary depending upon the comic’s television exposure, name recognition, and reputation. Schedules may range from three shows a night for three/four nights to one show once a week. Payment is generally quite good, with high pay for minimal work.

The average gig is a four-day assignment, lasting for a few months (or sometimes longer). Afterward, the comedian usually goes back on the road performing regular jobs at comedy clubs. Cruise ship assignments allow great flexibility by providing short-or-long-term jobs exactly when you need them.

In addition to good pay and free travel, cruises offer other perks. Food and accommodations are free, although as anyone who has ever traveled onboard knows, the confined cruise quarters are too small for doing much more than sleeping.

porn

Porn mogul Larry Flynt sues nephews over use of family name

Flynt says his good name in adult entertainment is being cheapened by his relatives' porn movies. They respond that Flynt is their name too.

By Victoria Kim and Andrew Blankstein 
6:34 PM PST, January 6, 2009

Hustler Magazine publisher Larry Flynt has been called a lot of things over the years. But he insists that the Flynt name still stands for quality when it comes to adult entertainment.

So this week, he filed suit against two nephews who are using the family name for their own line of adult films. Flynt said he is going to court to protect his good name, saying that he is concerned that Jimmy Flynt II and Dustin Flynt might tarnish the Flynt franchise by producing lower-quality porn that the lawsuit calls "inferior products" and "knock-off goods."

"To come into the adult entertainment business and use my name not only confuses people who buy my products, but if they're not maintaining a certain quality, it could also hurt my name," Larry Flynt told The Times on Tuesday.

The younger Flynts strongly disagree, saying that they are trying only to break into the family business.

"It's my brother and my turn to be successful in this business," said Dustin Flynt, who worked for his uncle before he was fired about a year ago. "The fact of the matter is my name is Flynt. If I can't use my name to do business, then what kind of society, what kind of world is that?"

kid

JACKSON, Ohio (AP) - Police say an angry 4-year-old Ohio boy grabbed a gun from a closet and shot his baby sitter. Eighteen-year-old Nathan Beavers was hospitalized Sunday with minor wounds to his arm and side after the shotgun attack. Police say another teen was also injured. Witnesses told police the child was angry because Beavers accidentally stepped on his foot. Beavers was watching the child at a mobile home in Jackson with several other teenagers and several other children. Jackson County Sheriff John Shashteen says authorities are investigating. The child has not been charged.  Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be publish

RIP

Pat Hingle (real name: Martin Patterson Hingle) was born in Denver, Colorado, the son of a building contractor. His parents divorced when Hingle was still in his infancy (he never knew his father) and his mother supported the family by teaching school in Denver. She then began to travel (with her son in tow) in search of more lucrative work; by age 13 Hingle had lived in a dozen cities. The future Tony Awardnominee made his "acting debut" in the third grade, playing a carrot in a school play ("At that time it didn't seem like much of a way to make a living!", he recalled). Hingle attended high school in Texas and in 1941 entered the University of Texas, majoring in advertising. After serving in the Navy during WW II, he went back to the university and got involved with the drama department as a way to meet girls. With his wife Alyce (whom he first met at the university), Hingle moved to New York and began to get jobs on the stage and on TV. The apex of his stage career was "J.B." by poet Archibald Macleish, with Hingle in the title role as a 20th-century Job. It was during the run of "J.B." that Hingle took an accidental plunge down the elevator shaft of his New York apartment building, sustaining near-fatal injuries in the 54-foot fall. He lay near death for two weeks (and lost the little finger of his left hand); his recovery took more than a year. In more recent years, Hingle has played Commissioner Gordon in the "Batman" movies.

Smothers BRos

The Smothers Brothers are an American music-and-comedy team, consisting of the brothers Tom ("Tommy") and Dick Smothers. The brothers' trademark act was performing folk songs (Tommy on acoustic guitar, Dick on string bass), which usually led to arguments between the siblings. Tommy's signature line was, "Mom always liked you best!" Tommy (the elder of the two) acted "slow," and Dick, the straight man, acted "superior."

In the 1960s, the brothers frequently appeared on television variety shows and issued several popular record albums of their stage performances. Their own television variety show, The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour^[1], became one of the most influential and controversial American TV programs of the Vietnam War era. Despite popular success, the brothers' penchant for material that was critical of the political mainstream (and sympathetic to the emergingcounterculture) led to their program's cancellation by the CBS network in 1969.

The brothers continued to work, both independently and as a team, on stage, on television and in films during subsequent decades. They continue to tour the country as the longest-lived comedy team in history; 2008 marks their 50th year performing together.

Dante

Rebekah KOchan and I run a room called Canoga Park bowl. It is a work out room for comedians. See some of the biggest names in comedy working out new jokes mixed with fresh faces. It is a really fun night! It is Free and the booze is the cheepest in LA!

Exit the 101 just north of the 405 at Winnetka and go south. It is located at the corner of Winnetka and Vanowen!

Canoga Park Bowl
20122 Vanowen St.
Canoga Park, CA 91306

NO COVER
NO DRINK MIN
MUST BE 21 AND OVER WITH ID (EVEN COMICS MUST HAVE ID)

Sunday Jan. 4th
8:45 MC John Mader (20)
9:05 Mel Kohl (15)
9:20 Tricia Shore (10)
9:30 Sandy Brown (15)
9:45 Nader (15)
10:00 Greg Vaccariello (20)
10:20 Mike Muratore (30)
10:50 Mark White (15)
11:05 Kevin Rudy (10)
(Please allow Ken Pringle any slot for (15))

Monday January 5th
8:45 MC Jay Cramer (15)
9:00 Dan Ruetter (8)
9:10 Mel Kohl (10)
9:20 Howard Smith (8)
9:29 Reg Tigerman (8)
9:37 Brain Andrews (3)
9:40 Les Kirkendaal (5)
9:45NEW MC Sandy Brown (10)
9:57 Shannon McDonald (8)
10:05 Rebekah Kochan (10)
10:15 Dante (15)
10:30 John Diresta 15)
10:45 John Mader (12)
11:00 Mike Muratore (15)
11:15 Chris Z (8)
11:24 Mark White (10)
11:34 Reg Tigerman (7)
Please Allow Ken Pringle a drop in spot for (10)

Tuesday January 6th
8:30 MC Kamaka Brown (15)
8:45 Jay Cramer (10)
8:55 Mel Kohl (10)
9:05 Sandy Brown (12)
9:20 Rebekah Kochan (12)
9:33 Dante (20)
9:53 John Diresta (20)
10:14 Ken Pringle (12)
10:27 Les Kirendaal (6)
10:34 Mark White (10)
10:44 Mike Muratore (20)
11:04 John Mader (12)
11:17 Chris Z (10)
11:27 Kevin Rudy (8)

$$$$$$

I have been working in stand-up comedy for about three years now. My main focus is still on my obtaining my college degree, but I am in constant contact with working comics. The answer to this question is... it depends.

No one starts out making great money. You have to "pay your dues" in stand-up, which means spending a lot of your own money trying to get exposure and gigs on your own. You will spend time and money driving, waiting, eating, and schmoozing in your early days. Entering contests and taking guest spots are a great way to get time in front of a non open-mic audience. Some of these gigs even pay.

Hosting or emcee work is your first pay level, usually between $10 and $50 per show. Not bad considering that you only work for 10 minutes. However, if it costs you $30 in gas and tolls to get to your $20 gig...well, you do the math.

Comedy clubs pay between $200 and $1000 (or more) per show for features and headliners. These are usually experienced people who have already done all the work mentioned above. The ones who want to get paid will hustle to get more gigs and exposure, which will increase the amount they can make (provided they don't suck). The goal is to get "discovered" like Dane Cook or Dave Chappelle. Your price can then skyrocket accordingly.

For most, the best way to make money in comedy is working the college scene. Colleges have a lot of disposable income for entertainment, and they are happy to blow it on comedians. You can make $2000-$4000 (or more) for a show on a college campus. The competition is out there, but there are so many schools that you should be able to always work if you have any talent.

This answer is not all inclusive, and there are certain things I have ignored due to time constraints. Just remember, the main factors that will contribute to your income level are your talent, experience, and willingness to work. Surprisingly, the first two always improve if you really work on the last one. "Pay your dues", get funny, and get out there if you want to get paid! 

200 posts

I didn't think it could be done, bc I'm very lazy but I have broken through the wall of 200 posts. Tears in my eyes, NCC Timmy and I celebrated with some cotton candy from Randy's traveling circus and a bottle of Strawberry Hill. Thanks for the booze Timmy.

kathy Griifin

Rant on CNN lands Kathy Griffin in hot water

Her response to a heckler aired live on New Year's Eve

By Paul J. Gough

Jan 2, 2009, 01:43 PM ET

NEW YORK -- Here's an on-air pairing that will probably never happen again after CNN's New Year's Eve telecast: Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin.

Griffin was co-hosting the CNN special telecast of Times Square on New Year's Eve with Cooper. The "My Life on the D-List" star got into hot water early Thursday morning with some choice words to a heckler that were captured live on the channel. It happened after the ball drop but while the telecast was still going on.

"Screw you. Why don't you get a job, buddy?" she told the heckler. "You know what, I don't go to your job and knock the d---- out of your mouth."

The remark had been made as the channel was about to go to commercial, which it did right after, according to a recording of the incident widely available on YouTube.

"We recognize that the comment made by comedian Kathy Griffin during the live broadcast was inappropriate. She did not know she was on the air at the time, and we removed it from the rebroadcast," said a CNN spokeswoman.

Griffin's rant was edited out of a rebroadcast early Thursday morning.

CNN did not have a delay on the broadcast. But perhaps it should have, since Griffin is known for a blue act and even on TV has made controversial remarks. One live comment in accepting a 2007 Emmy for "D-List" offended some Christian groups.

Sam Shepard got popped early this morning for an alleged DUI and speeding.

Shepard was doing a reported 46 MPH in a residential zone in -- get this, Normal, IL. The actor responded to the cops request to pull over by parking his Tahoe on the curb. According to the Pantagraph.com, the 65 year-old blew an impressive 0.175 which is roughly twice the legal limit.

Shepard was arrested at the scene and taken to McLean County jail. He posted bond and is currently pending a court appearance.

fdfsf

kathy Griifin

Rant on CNN lands Kathy Griffin in hot water

Her response to a heckler aired live on New Year's Eve

By Paul J. Gough

Jan 2, 2009, 01:43 PM ET

NEW YORK -- Here's an on-air pairing that will probably never happen again after CNN's New Year's Eve telecast: Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin.

Griffin was co-hosting the CNN special telecast of Times Square on New Year's Eve with Cooper. The "My Life on the D-List" star got into hot water early Thursday morning with some choice words to a heckler that were captured live on the channel. It happened after the ball drop but while the telecast was still going on.

"Screw you. Why don't you get a job, buddy?" she told the heckler. "You know what, I don't go to your job and knock the d---- out of your mouth."

The remark had been made as the channel was about to go to commercial, which it did right after, according to a recording of the incident widely available on YouTube.

"We recognize that the comment made by comedian Kathy Griffin during the live broadcast was inappropriate. She did not know she was on the air at the time, and we removed it from the rebroadcast," said a CNN spokeswoman.

Griffin's rant was edited out of a rebroadcast early Thursday morning.

July 17, 2007 -- IT was fight night at an L.A. comedy club last week when Jon Lovitz roughed up Andy Dick over the murder of their "Saturday Night Live" colleague, Phil Hartman.

Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada, who witnessed the assault, said, "Jon picked Andy up by the head and smashed him into the bar four or five times, and blood started pouring out of his nose." Lovitz told Page Six, "All the comedians are glad I did it because this guy is a [bleep]hole."

Lovitz and Dick have been at loggerheads since a 1997 Christmas party at Hartman's house, five months before his troubled wife Brynn flipped out, fatally shooting Hartman, then killing herself. "Andy was doing cocaine, and he gave Brynn some after she had been sober for 10 years. Phil was furious about it - and then five months later he's dead," said Lovitz, adding that when he filled in on Hartman's "Newsradio" sitcom, "I told Andy, 'I wouldn't be here now if you hadn't given Brynn that cocaine.' "

Last year, Lovitz related, a drunken Dick strolled up to his table at Ago in West Hollywood, rudely downed his guests' peach liqueur drinks, and "looked at me and said, 'I put the "Phil Hartman hex" on you - you're the next one to die.' I said, 'What did you say?' and he repeated it. I wanted to punch his face in, but I don't hit women."

When the two ran into each other at the Laugh Factory last Wednesday, "I wanted him to say he was sorry for the 'Phil Hartman hex,' " Lovitz told us. "First he says, 'I don't remember saying that.' Then he leans in and says, 'You know why I said it? Because you said I killed Phil Hartman.' Which I never said. Then he asked me to be in his new movie.

"I grabbed him by the shirt and leaned him over and said, 'I don't want to be in your movie! I don't want to be in your life!' I pushed him against the rail. Then I pushed him again really hard. A security guard broke it up. I'm not proud of it . . . but he's a disgusting human being." Dick's rep said he had no comment.

Dick's weirdness has been well documented. Last year, he licked the faces of Farrah Fawcett, Carrie Fisher and Patton Oswalt, then groped and bit the hand of Post reporter Mandy Stadtmiller at a comedy-festival taping.

Stand Up

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StandUp Academy graduates have gone on to perform on The Tonight Show, BRAVO, E!, the Aspen Comedy Festival, The Ice House, The Improv, The Comedy Store, The Friar's Club, and to win comedy contests all over the Los Angeles area.

Some have shared the stage with Chris Rock, Emo Philips, Andrew Dice Clay, Norm MacDonald, Dave Attell, and more. Others have simply continued their lives and careers with a new sense of fun and self- confidence, and a new group of friends!

StandUp Academy is taught by 20-year veteran comedian Bobbie Oliver. For more info on Bobbie Oliver, check outhttp://bobbieoliver.net/bobbie_home.htm

Kathy Griifin

Comedienne Kathy Griffin may be doomed to life on CNN's S-list after answering a heckler with a shrieking, vulgar tirade during the network's live New Year's Eve broadcast.

"Screw you," she told the heckler. "Why don't you get a job, buddy? You know what? I don't go to your job and knock the d- - - out of your mouth."

The raunchy exchange, which occurred well after the ball dropped at midnight, was received with guffaws by the camera crew.

Kathy Griifin

I didn't know CNN doesn't like the word DORK?

Kathy Griffin is certainly old and experienced enough to know you don't make lewd cracks when you're wearing a hot mike... Anderson Cooper was cool about it, but d**k jokes on CNN just don't seem right -- even for New Years Eve.

Kathy Griifin

Kathy Griffin -- What A D**k!

Posted Jan 1st 2009 9:59AM by TMZ Staff

Kathy Griffin is certainly old and experienced enough to know you don't make lewd cracks when you're wearing a hot mike... Anderson Cooper was cool about it, but d**k jokes on CNN just don't seem right -- even for New Years Eve