Comedy

A great man

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:37:00 +0000

I don't post my own words much but Mr. Olsen was a great man and will be missed. He donated his time to youth football and was always helping kids.

Pro Football Hall of Famer and former television actor Merlin Olsen is dead at 69. Olsen was an All-American at Utah State and a first-round draft pick of the Los Angles Rams in 1962, where he was part of the "Fearsome Foursome" defensive line that set an NFL record for the fewest yards allowed during a 14-game season in 1968. He moved on to acting with roles in Little House on the Prairie and later his own series, Father Murphy, which ran from 1981 to 1983. He was diagnosed with mesothelioma last year.

milk

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 02:34:00 +0000

Crime Over Spilt Milk

Lactating Kentuckian charged with squirting liquid into jailer's face

MARCH 8--A Kentucky woman is facing a felony assault charge for allegedly squirting breast milk into the face of a female jailer. After Toni Tramel, 31, was arrested last Thursday for public intoxication, she was transported to the Daviess County Detention Center in Owensboro. While there, Tramel, pictured in the above mug shot, was directed to change into a jail uniform. But the uncooperative suspect was "too intoxicated to complete the task on her own," so Officer Lula Brown sought to aid her, according to the below incident report. While in the jail's shower room, Brown told Tramel that she "needed to take her shirt and bra off" before changing into a green jail smock. That is when Tramel "took off her bra, grabbed her breast and squirted breast milk, hitting me in the face and neck region," reported Brown. Tramel attempted a second lactation assault, "but was unsuccessful," added Brown. Tramel is now being held in the Daviess County lockup on $5000 bond. As for Brown, a jail press release noted that the officer was successfully able to "clean the bio-hazard off her." (2 pages)

shocker?

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 01:52:00 +0000

Breaking news from, oh, 1998 or so: Sean Hayes is gay. After years of what many considered equivocating, the actor who gained fame as the flamboyant sidekick Jack on Will & Grace tells the Advocate, "I am who I am. I was never in, as they say. Never." But he also acknowledges what the magazine calls "a 'don't ask, don't tell' strategy."

His reticence was a defense mechanism, designed to counter the inevitable type-casting that grows out of a high-profile role and the industry's lack of imagination. "There were like 50 commercials where I was the husband or the nerdy boy or whatever, and then I became famous for playing this gay guy,” says Hayes, 39. “None of this is up to anybody. It’s what the suits decide for you."

shave

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 07:53:00 +0000

Florida revoked Megan Mariah Barnes' driver's license last week, and less than a day later she proved the wisdom of that decision, causing a car accident on US Highway 1 in the Florida Keys as she shaved her private parts while driving. " About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm," the highway patrol officer who busted her tells KeysNews.com. "It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it. "

It gets better: She was getting ready for a date. With her ex-husband in the passenger seat. Oh, and he was steering. Barnes continued for a half-mile after rear-ending a pickup, then pulled over and hopped out from behind the wheel. " She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," said the trooper. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?'"

healthcare

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 05:23:00 +0000

A man of 22 died in agony of dehydration after three days in a leading teaching hospital.

Kane Gorny was so desperate for a drink that he rang police to beg for their help.

They arrived on the ward only to be told by doctors that everything was under control.

The next day his mother Rita Cronin found him delirious and he died within hours.

She said nurses had failed to give him vital drugs which controlled fluid levels in his body. 'He was totally dependent on the nurses to help him and they totally betrayed him.'

couldn't he predict his arrest?

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 05:36:00 +0000

A self-proclaimed psychic who called himself "America's Prophet" and claimed the ability to predict stock market changes was charged today by the Securities & Exchange Commission with multi-million dollar securities fraud.

Sean David Morton started to solicit investors in the summer of 2006 by promising to use his psychic abilities for investment guidance, the SEC alleged in the complaint.

"I have called all the highs and lows of the market, giving exact dates for rises and crashes over the last 14 years," Morton said in a newsletter to potential investors. Along with his newsletter, Morton also used his website, public speaking engagements, and appearances on a nationally syndicated radio show to promote his Delphi Investment Group.

According to George Canellos, director of the SEC's New York Regional Office, "Morton's self-proclaimed psychic powers were nothing more than a scam to attract investors and steal their money."

In all, Morton raised more than $6 million from over 100 investors in 2006 and 2007. Morton invested about half the funds with foreign currency trading firms and diverted some of the investor funds, including at least $240,000 into his and his wife's non-profit religious organization, Prophecy Research Institute.

Morton, his wife Melissa Morton, and three corporate entities that they own under the umbrella of the Delphi Associates Investment Group were the subject of the SEC charges.

The SEC complaint can be found HERE.

coffee

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:09:00 +0000

A convicted burglar slipped out of prison in Texas to make a late-night run to Wal-Mart for cigarettes, then slipped back in. About 70 different times. The 19-year-old reportedly dyed his prison uniform with coffee so he wouldn't raise eyebrows at the store, reports the Austin American-Statesman. It also helped that he worked as a prison trusty in a fenceless unit.

Officials only got wise by reviewing Wal-Mart’s surveillance footage, which is apparently much better than the prison’s, and the testimony of an informant. A miffed state senator puts the latest bungle in the context of a “system that’s had cell phones on death row” and “that had a loaded pistol turn up in a maximum-security unit.” This incident “might be funny if it weren’t absurd.” Also, why does Wal-Mart have “better security cameras than our prisons?”

hit

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 15:16:00 +0000

Jon Cryer, co-star of "Two and a Half Men," was the target of a hit engineered by his ex-wife ... this according to the woman's ex-boyfriend.

According to documents filed in the custody battle between Cryer and ex-wife Sarah Trigger, Trigger's lawyer claims on December 21, 2009, Trigger told her that her ex-boyfriend, Eddie Sanchez, had said he was going to kill Cryer and Trigger's estranged husband, David Dickey.

Trigger's lawyer became so alarmed she contacted lawyers for both Cryer and Dickey. On January 10, Dickey confronted Sanchez. According to legal docs, "Mr. Sanchez not only flatly denied making such a statement, but he said that it was [Sarah Trigger] who had contacted him on numerous occasions, stating that she wanted to see the pair [Cryer and Dickey] dead, and even asking Mr. Sanchez if he would kill the pair, or if he would not, inquiring whether she could speak with Mr. Sanchez's father about this issue."

According to Cryer's declaration, he notified Warner Bros. security on January 15. Cryer also states his co-star requested that "we do not film in front of a live audience." The documents do not ID the co-star but presumably it's Charlie Sheen.

The FBI then launched an investigation but had no comment today when we called.

Trigger's family law attorney, Vicki Greene, tells TMZ, "Sarah has not threatened anyone, especially Jon and those are statements that are refuted and she has evidence to show that Mr. Sanchez has already recanted those statements to her."

Read more: http://www.tmz.com/#ixzz0gehMCy4P

rip boner

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 05:54:00 +0000

Andrew Koenig committed suicide, said the actor’s father, who found Koenig’s body in a Vancouver park along with a number of the 41-year-old’s friends. Andrew Koenig played Richard “Boner” Stabone on the 1980s sitcom Growing Pains. Father Walter Koenig, who played Chekhov on the original Star Trek, addressed the media today in Vancouver.

“What you can learn from this ... is that there are people out there who really, really care,” Walter said in addressing those contemplating the same actions his son took. “Before you make that final decision ... talk to somebody.” Vancouver police said they would not immediately release the cause of death, TMZ reports, citing the situation’s sensitive nature.

espn

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:36:00 +0000

ESPN has officially suspended "Pardon the Interruption" host Tony Kornheiser for 2 weeks -- after TK made "hurtful and personal comments" about a female SportsCenter anchor.

The drama began last week on Kornheiser's radio show -- when he commented on an outfit Hannah Storm wore during a recent SC broadcast, saying her "Catholic school plaid skirt" was "way too short for somebody" her age. He also claimed her tight shirt looked like a "sausage casing."

Yesterday, Kornheiser did not appear on PTI -- and now an ESPN executive VP of content John Skipper is finally offering an explanation: "Tony Kornheiser's comments about Hannah Storm were entirely inappropriate."

Skipper added, "Hurtful and personal comments such as these are not acceptable and have significant consequences. Tony has been suspended from PTI for two weeks."

BONER

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 18:53:00 +0000

The parents of Andrew Koenig -- who has reportedly been missing for the past week -- described their son as "suffering from depression" and "not doing good" in the days leading up to his disappearance.

Judy and Walter Koenig (who played Pavel Chekov in the "Star Trek" series) tell TMZ the last time heard from Andrew was on February 9. They say his cell phone is turned off and that they have learned the last time his phone received a text was on February 16 in Vancouver.

They say he was last seen at a bakery in the Stanley Park area of Vancouver.

The Koenigs tell TMZ they plan to fly up to Vancouver in the next few days. They feel the police in Vancouver have been doing a good job so far.

Lance Miccio, who worked with Koenig on several projects, tells TMZ he reached out to Koenig about a project two weeks ago but Koening passed, saying he was "not going to work anymore."

Right around that time, Miccio says Koenig dropped off a bag of Miccio's stuff. Miccio says he hasn't spoken to Koenig since.

Miccio also said he thought Koenig was "suffering from depression."

Read more: http://www.tmz.com/#ixzz0gCLUJSl2

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 23:52:00 +0000

Dead' Woman Wakes Up at Funeral Home

crazy peeps

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 23:53:00 +0000

"NYPD Blue" star Gail O'Grady won a permanent restraining order against a man she claims stalked her and her five-year-old son, but not before the man went ballistic inside the courtroom.

Steven Church was in court this morning for the hearing, when things weren't going his way. O'Grady wasn't present, but her P.I., Scott Ross -- who tailed Church during the investigation -- was too much for Church to take. He stormed out of the courtroom, then stormed back in.

Church apparently made all the wrong moves because Judge Carol Boas Goodson granted the stay away order.

During the hearing Church admitted sending more than 400 text messages to O'Grady.

ucsd

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 02:34:00 +0000

SAN DIEGO -- Administrators at the University of California, San Diego are condemning a weekend ghetto-themed party thrown off-campus by fraternity students to mock Black History Month, but they aren't likely to discipline anyone, it was reported Wednesday.

The so-called "Compton Cookout" event urged all participants to wear chains, don cheap clothes and speak very loudly, The San Diego Union-Tribune reported. Female participants were encouraged to be "ghetto chicks."

kevin smith

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 17:42:00 +0000

Kevin Smith was thrown off a Southwest Airlines flight yesterday for being a "safety risk" -- a polite way of saying he was deemed too fat to fly.

Smith was flying from Oakland to Burbank and was, according to his own tweets, already seated and ready to go when a Southwest attendant named Suzanne "told me Captain Leysath deemed me a 'safety risk.'"

He flew into Oakland on a SW flight, and tweeted later (along with the photo on the right) that he eventually flew out on one as well.

Smith also received a $100 voucher for his trouble and a few apologetic tweets from SWA, but based on the number of four-letter words used on Smith's Twitter page ... we don't think the apology was accepted.

kenya

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 07:46:00 +0000

MOMBASA, Kenya (Reuters) - Kenyan police halted a gay wedding on the Indian Ocean coast on Friday and arrested several suspected homosexuals, police said.

Homosexuality is illegal in the east African country. The wedding between two men had been scheduled to take place at a private villa in the beach resort of Kikambala.

George Matundura, a senior police commander, said five people had been arrested after officers stormed the address. They would appear in court soon, he added.

"These are homosexuals who wanted to do a wedding and as you know, the Kenyan constitution says ... a man is not allowed to marry another man," Matundura told reporters.

"It is an offence, an unnatural offence, and also their behaviour is repugnant to the morality of the people."

Residents angered by the planned nuptials demonstrated outside the police station where the five suspects were taken.

"This is not allowed and these people, their behaviour is all the same," one protester shouted. "They need to be burned."

Homosexuality has become a contentious topic in Africa in recent months after a Ugandan lawmaker proposed a bill including the death penalty for some acts, then police in Malawi arrested a gay couple for getting engaged in a traditional ceremony.

Last week, U.S. President Barack Obama said the draft bill being debated in Uganda was "odious". The Ugandan government has said that a revised version will probably limit the maximum penalty for convicts to life in prison, rather than execution.

usps

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:36:00 +0000

Frank Digoria thought his dad was "flipping out" when he received a bottle of champagne in the mail from him in January. Not only was his birthday a month past, but the card from Frank Sr. also mentioned a now-deceased wife. Turns out, Frank Sr. sent the bottle in 1985, and it had spent the last 24 years in a post office time warp.

"After I sent it (in 1985), I talked to Frankie on his birthday and I thought it was kind of unusual he didn't say, 'Thanks, Dad.'" That call finally came last month. "I told him he'd have to wait another 25 years before I send him anything." Postal officials had no explanation, reports the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. The delivery is especially surprising because Digorio has moved twice since '85, and the USPS doesn't keep records of old addresses.

RIP Phil

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:48:00 +0000

Captain Phil Harris -- star of Discovery Channel's "Deadliest Catch" -- died about an hour ago* ... sources tell TMZ.

Harris was hospitalized a few weeks ago after suffering a stroke while unloading crabs. He had been doing better until the sudden turn.

Captain Harris died in a hospital in Alaska. He was 53.

Harris' kids, Jake and Josh, tell TMZ, "It is with great sadness that we say goodbye to our dad, Captain Phil Harris. Dad has always been a fighter and continued to be until the end. For us and the crew, he was someone who never backed down. We will remember and celebrate that strength. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers."

dumbees

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 03:32:00 +0000

LONDON (Reuters) - Intelligence comes second only to smoking as a predictor of heart disease, scientists said on Wednesday, suggesting public health campaigns may need to be designed for people with lower IQs if they are to work.

Research by Britain's Medical Research Council (MRC) found that lower intelligence quotient (IQ) scores were associated with higher rates of heart disease and death, and were more important indicators than any other risk factors except smoking.

Heart disease is the leading killer of men and women Europe, the United States and most industrialised countries.

According to the World Health Organisation, cardiovascular diseases and diabetes accounted for 32 percent of all deaths around the world in 2005.

It is well known that people with poorer education and lower incomes often face higher risks of ill health and a range of diseases. Studies have pointed to many likely reasons, including limited access to healthcare and other resources, poorer living conditions, chronic stress and higher rates of lifestyle risk factors like smoking.

The MRC study, which analysed data from 1,145 men and women aged around 55 and followed up for 20 years, rated the top five heart disease risk factors as cigarette smoking, IQ, low income, high blood pressure, and low physical activity.

The researchers, led by David Batty of the MRC and Social and Public Health Science Unit in Glasgow, Scotland, said there were "a number of plausible mechanisms" which might explain why lower IQ scores could raise the risk of heart disease -- in particular a person's approach to "healthy behaviour."

Those who ignored or failed to understand advice about the risks of smoking or benefits of good diet and exercise for heart health would be more likely to be at higher risk, they wrote in a study in the European Journal of Cardiovascular Prevention. Continued...

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RIP

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 17:42:00 +0000

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Stephen Fink, founder of Pasadena Sandwich Company, dies at 59

Posted: 02/05/2010 06:52:13 PM PST

PASADENA - Even if he won the lottery, Stephen Fink liked to say, he wouldn't stop working at his sandwich shop.
Fink, the founder of the Pasadena Sandwich Company, died Jan. 29 of a rare blood disease at the age of 59.
He never won the lottery, but friends and family say he left a lasting legacy through his restaurant, where strangers were welcomed like family members.
"He loved it. He loved the people and all the relationships he built there," his daughter Meghan said. "It was an extension of him. It was like being invited into somebody's home."
He is survived by four children: Meghan, 28; Kaytee, 25; Nicole, 23; and Jonathan, 21. The children plan to keep the restaurant running, Meghan said.
Fink opened the shop in 1995 after working at a deli owned by his parents for 20 years. The name came to him in a dream, Meghan said.
"He was really excited about opening it," she said. "On opening day it was busier than he would have ever expected, and it's been that way ever since."
The store held several food giveaways on occasions such as Thanksgiving Day.
"We would give food to anyone who was in need of food, anyone with nowhere to go," Meghan said. "We didn't want people to be alone. The idea was come share your life with us, or if you need a family, come join ours."
One of the most popular sandwiches was the "trust the cook" special, where Fink would make a custom sandwich for the customer.

hufpuf

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 19:37:00 +0000

Huffington Post blogger Luis Carlos Montalván started out as an anti-war liberal's dream: a decorated Iraq vet with a compelling war story, vocally opposed to the war and accompanied by a lovable golden retriever to stave off PTSD-related anxiety. But an AP reporter who's been digging into the self-promoting vet's war story says it doesn't hold water, and Gawker has turned up both a suspect lawsuit by Montalván and his criminal record.

Montalván says his PTSD stems from a 2003 incident in which Iraqi gang members tried to assassinate him for his attempts to crack down on crime; the AP reporter found evidence that he actually just scuffled with a drunk truck driver—and wasn't as badly injured as he claims. Then there's the $40 million suit he filed against McDonald's because employees "glared" at him and his service dog while he ate. And in 1999 he was charged with stalking and violating a restraining order.

kittens

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 03:36:00 +0000

Pa. Woman Convicted In Pierced Kittens Case

WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) ―

Click to enlarge 1 of 1: Timesleader.com

A northeastern Pennsylvania woman who marketed "gothic kittens" with ear and neck piercings over the Internet has been convicted of animal cruelty.

A Luzerne County jury on Wednesday convicted 35-year-old dog groomer Holly Crawford of one misdemeanor count and one summary count of animal cruelty, but acquitted her of two separate counts. She will be sentenced March 31.

Crawford was charged in December 2008 after animal welfare officers took several kittens and a cat from her home. Deputy District Attorney David Pedri told jurors that Crawford inflicted pain upon three black kittens because, he alleged, "she thought it was neat" to sell gothic kittens on the Internet.

Defense attorneys argued that parents allow children to get pierced ears at young ages, and it would be wrong to hold cat owners to a higher standard.

Leif

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 16:53:00 +0000

Leif Garrett was arrested Monday morning in Los Angeles for possession of a controlled substance.

The former teen idol was busted at 11:20 AM at the Metrolink station in downtown Los Angeles by the L.A. County Sheriff's Department.

Garrett was taken into custody and placed behind bars. He wasn't released until this morning.

Garrett's been busted on the Metro Red Line before -- back in 2006, he was caught for allegedly riding without a ticket ... but heroin and Quaaludes were found in his possession. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail for the incident.

get me a gong

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 05:41:00 +0000

DENVER – The Air Force Academy has set aside an outdoor worship area for Pagans, Wiccans, Druids and other Earth-centered believers, school officials said Monday.

A double circle of stones atop a hill on the campus near Colorado Springs has been designated for the group, which previously met indoors.

"Being with nature and connecting with it is kind of the whole point," said Tech. Sgt. Brandon Longcrier, who sponsors the group and describes himself as a Pagan. "It will dramatically improve that atmosphere, the mindset and the actual connection."

The stones were moved to the hilltop last year because erosion threatened to make them unstable in their previous location near the visitors center. Crews arranged them in two concentric circles because they thought it would be a pleasant place for cadets to relax, Longcrier said.

When Longcrier and academy chaplains were looking for an outdoor worship space, they discovered one already existed in the form of the circles.

Lt. Col. William Ziegler, one of the academy's chaplains, said designating the space is part of the school's effort to foster religious tolerance and to defend the constitutional guarantee of religious freedom.

"It's about our commitment as airmen to protect freedom and defend freedom. To me this is a freedom thing," he said.

The school also has worship facilities for Protestant and Catholic Christians, Jews, Muslims and Buddhists.

RIP

bagacksite@gmail.com (Bagack) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 20:56:00 +0000

State police responded to an alarm at the Litchfield Bancorp building in Salisbury, CT at 9:40 PM last night. Police say they found Torn "with a loaded revolver" and he was "highly intoxicated."

Law enforcement sources tell us Torn gained access through a broken window, which they believe Torn broke himself.

Torn was taken to the Troop B barracks in North Canaan and is being held on $100,000 bond.

Cops say Torn was charged with carrying a pistol without a permit, carrying a firearm while intoxicated, first-degree burglary, first-degree criminal trespass and third-degree criminal mischief.